The last week was bad. There was the tummy upset, which meant I missed my favourite class. I also haven’t been efficient at my research work, due to unexpected diversions. Dad’s friend’s son and his friend dropped in for a couple of days, and that meant taking them around a bit – not that I mind, but I wanted to work on those days. Then there was the Indian student association “back to school” celebration on saturday, for which I sang(last minute preparation), acted in drag, and on the whole, was busy. Now its early morning on Monday, and I still am grappling with 4 papers in my mind, trying to compare them, and get some tables out of them. I have read each of those papers at least thrice, but I haven’t yet been able to “see” them, in the same frame, in my mind, so I can’t yet compare them. When there is the will and yet there in no output, you begin to doubt your mind. Such doubts notwithstanding, its time for some serious thinking, and writing. My biggest motivation is the fact that I have a good man to advise me, to guide me, and I want to meet his expectations, nay, exceed them.

Perhaps this is what people meant when they said a Ph.D. can be “painful”. Mental constipation – bad comparison, since the output of research is good, and useful too.

October 17th is the next deadline, so I will have to imagine a deadline on the 12th.

I am fresh now, and just that little bit tense, and so everything should work fine. I am a researcher, and with a little imagination, one could say I am a scientist! That certainly gets me going, that very thought.

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