the last three days have

the last three days have been very unproductive. days just pass by, and time flies, and yet, i feel its all getting nowhere. i have a lot of work to do, to which i will return after making this post. i went shoppin yesterday and bot myself winter clothes and essentials, “cheap” . i do beleive its a con job of sorts, wherein they jack up the prices for the sales throughout the year, and come down to prices that are still profitable, to make it seem like just on the “sale” days you are getting a more-than-good deal. whatever, i bought what i needed, but was mildly surprised to see the turnout on that day, and the amount of shopping that was going on! never before have i seen so many people with the same shared purpose.

i got the cognitive sceince books, and i have read most of the papers the professor asked me to. i dont know what to tell him now that i have read them. I did not make any startling observations or glaring mistakes in any of the papers. i read them, and was fascinated that so much research is going on in such an interesting field , and i didnt know!! thanks to him i got the books which seem like good starting points. now the problem is convincing him and making him take me on as a part of his team. i am waiting for the right time and mood to write to him.

i feel guilty when i read those papers when i have more than enough school work. so i will get the school work done before i mail him.

i have to shift my residence , thats final. i just cleaned the house today, and got supplies. nobody else seems to care much, actually cocky and nish care, they do, but nish is too lazy and cocky has given up.. one roommate seems to beleive that its only fair that he doesnt do anything, unless told, and that too after a small fight…whatever, just my cribs. but they dont see me as I am, i have been misinterpreted all alon, and my attempts to be seen as “me” leads to ridiculous results.

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a community got to be

a community got to be too much for me and i quit. (the “deleted comments are mine, i deleted them later…over here for more details.) i had never posted there and today i did, my mistake, shouldnt have bothered to interfere or state my opinions, anyway, the replies i got helped me quit the community, what i think was a time wasting experience. not all the time reading the posts was wasted though, i got to know the attitudes and trends amongst people who go to my school. mostly undergrads, and i remember what i was like when i was an undergrad. no hard feelings, but i dont want to be part of a namecalling, mudslinging community. my choice. i am sure its also part of what makes for an interesting college experience for the ucfers. i dont belong in that scene, and thats nobody’s fault. the kinda friends i have online make me ultrasensitive to people’s rudeness…hey , friends, you are spoiling me ;)

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i am fine. there is

i am fine. there is no end to thinking about things. i have to put an end to thinking about things. everything will turn out fine, or i will learn to live with things as they do turn out. i have exams tomorrow, and i hope dr.ejnioui finds my projecxt work to his satisfaction. no news is good news, and so this post brings good news.

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yes, dearest, i got drunk

yes, dearest, i got drunk today. dont get mad, or do, if you so wish, but this was after 2 weeks, and i couldnt do any better. allow me my outlets.
was feeling lonely so went out and watched the hispanics dance, from a corner table, from bhind the familiar glass of vodka

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when good old hindi music

when good old hindi music is playing in the background
and something happens that changes the locus standi
on its head
when you feel releived, when you wonder
what all the worrying was about -
then you feel good about life. and thank God
it doesnt stay too long, the good feeling
i would get used to it
and then it wont be good anymore
i cant enjoy sad songs when i am not sad
and sad songs are the best there are.

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whooooooopie. my systolic counter WORKS.

whooooooopie. my systolic counter WORKS. finally. i just removed a function and put it in the main body of the program, and BINGO!! man, nothing matters now, not the fever, or the headache….
:)
and i got a very neat postcard ;)

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i have the flu, or

i have the flu, or at least a fever. i slept at 7 pm and woke up at 2 in the night with a fever. a cup of tea and some medicine later i feel better. I hope i get that project done. oh its such exquisite pain. i cant make up my mind as to whether i hate getting fever or like it, in some weird way…feels like a high, in some respects…and an unexpected vacation.

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Carthik is a Person.

Carthik is a Ph.D. Student at the University of Central Florida.
Carthik is a good student.
Carthik is a passionate lover.
Carthik is a Indian
Carthik is a Malayali.
Carthik is a researcher.

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Dr.Turgut

just in case i forget to write this down later, i met dr.turgut for the first time regarding her being my advisor. she said she cant give anything in writing until i take her course and impress her. she is non-committal, but impressed with my work in the software engineering course that she teaches, or so she says. she gave me four books on networks to read during winter, and warned me that her course is gonna be really tough.

on my way to become spider-man . yeah, sick joke. no computer architecture. i feel like shouting at the world, but networks it is…

i couldnt complete the fpga project, damn thing didnt work inspite of me screwing with it all night…thankfully Dr.Ejnioui gave me another week. The nightmare is over, i was right on time for the software project. Now i need to go home and hit the sack.

ages since i slept at 7 pm. used to do that when i was 7-10 years old, after coming home after playing cricket till 6.30. I remember starting to sleep by the time the chime for the 7 pm news in malayalam used to come on tv, and being sound asleep by the time the news was over, dinner in hand, in front of the Bush TV.

good night, world.

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Ohne hast, aber ohne rast.

Ohne hast, aber ohne rast.
without haste, but without rest.

wolfgang goethe.

thats the way i should work.

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i suddenly feel i am

i suddenly feel i am surrounded by warm folks again. it was so cold today, and a jamaican drove me home, nay , a good human being…too much of chatting lately, i mean, its like i’m escaping my duties. two days to go for D-Day. hope everything gets done by then. Why do i seem to be a different person with different people? Full of cheer and confidence Vs. busted, and tongue tied…well, thats just me, i guess.
just came home now, and i promise i will work tonight

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its a remarkably cool day

its a remarkably cool day today, the first time its been this cold, its 57 degrees fahrenheit, thats about 13 degrees celsius. i came walking to school, since my bike got punctured. its so cool, and so pleasant, just desperately wanted to be walking with someone :)
i have been in a rut for the past 24 hours, nothing productive done, dont feel like doing it, very distracted. lots of work, yes, but in no mood to get it done. i know, my moods should not affect my work, but it is such now.

i will start working now.

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took this test Test ResultsYou

took this test
Test Results

You think of yourself as being powerful, vibrant, exciting, and sexy.
Others think of you as being faithful, loving, sincere, and cute.
Your relationships can be described as clear, bubbling, peaceful, and soothing.
When stressed, you feel expectant.
Take this test here.

the questions were.
a)favourite color, and describe it in four words
b)favourite animal, and describe it in four words
c)favoutire water body, describe it in four words
d)what wold you feel like in a white room with nothing in it.

now i answered red, dog, stream and expectant.

Sumant says they made me a red dog sitting expectantly by a stream :))

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i slept at 6 in

i slept at 6 in the morning and woke up at 3 pm. slow day. no worries. just got to get that compiler working. and its raining heavily outside, the clouds threatening to choke me. all grey and green. i am at sumant’s house now, on his dsl connection. hungry.
felt so good yesterday, after a long time, recounted my past, and was reminded of it, makes me feel fortunate and lucky, no bot lucky, blessed. everything will be alright, after all i am doing what i wanted to be doing a year ago, busting my ass over my phd…like sumant says, when woking you should work so hard, with no time to spare, no thoughts except one, and with someone getting you food, occasionally, to the lab…

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The woods are lovely, dark

The woods are lovely, dark and deep
but i have promises to keep
and lines to code before I sleep
And lines to code before I sleep

Someone should shoot the guys at software companies who hand out free copies of Compilers and IDEs with some crucial and significant feature support missing. I thought i was done with the systolic counter implementation, for the FPGA design project, when the MAX+plus II compiler tells me that the memory function is not supported,
so, in short i can say

reg [1:0] left; //register which can store 2 bits

but i cant say

reg [1:0] p_state[0:4]; // an array of eight registers, each of which can store 2 bits

WHAT THE HELL X|

i spent bloody 3 hours re-coding my verilog code, because the software doesnt support user defined functions, so i found a way to avoid using functions, and now this!!

I Refuse to pay for software, when the end product i produce is of no use to me, and i dont get paid to use the tool i paid for.

now i have to find a pirated version of some verilog compiler, and i have to do it soon, tuesday’s deadline is fast approaching.

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